I wanted more Succession, so I asked ChatGPT to help
ME: There’s a writers strike going on. Write a pitch for a new spinoff season from Succession in which Cousin Greg becomes involved in a giant crypto scam operation and has to deal with organised crime in miami
ChatGPT: Title: "Succession: Crypto Clash"
I already hate this. It’s like a Fast & Furious title had a baby with a daytime TV game show. I asked for some more suggestions and they were screamingly bad, GPT isn’t replacing human talent any time soon:
GPT alternatives: "The Greg-gital Heist" "Gregcoin: A Cousin's Crypto Conundrum" "The Great Gregscapade: Miami's Crypto Caper" "Crypto Gregstravaganza: Unleashing Cousin's Chaos" "Cryptic Gregistry: Cousin's Conquest in Miami".
Ok Gregcoin kinda works.
Overview: In the thrilling new spinoff season of "Succession," titled "Crypto Clash," [Gregcoin ] we dive deep into the unexpected world of cryptocurrencies, organized crime, and the rise of Cousin Greg. As Greg Hirsch, played by Nicholas Braun, navigates the treacherous waters of Miami's underworld, viewers will witness a high-stakes battle between power, greed, and survival.
Plot Summary: After a failed attempt to secure a job at Waystar Royco [chat GPT hasn’t watched the end of Succession, this is really dialing it in] Greg stumbles upon a chance encounter with an enigmatic crypto tycoon while attending a Miami tech conference. Intrigued by the potential for enormous wealth and recognition, Greg is drawn into an elaborate and illicit crypto scam operation. Little does he know that this decision will thrust him into the heart of organized crime and test his loyalties in unimaginable ways.
Yes, yes! Five seasons, easily. Ozark meets Cousin Greg but with more people in bathing costumes.
As Greg immerses himself in this world, he becomes entangled with a notorious crime syndicate seeking to exploit the rising popularity of cryptocurrencies for their nefarious purposes. Initially caught up in the allure of money and influence, Greg soon discovers the true cost of his involvement. He must confront the moral implications of his actions and decide whether to succumb to the darkness or rise above it.
I’m not sure about this, I don’t think Greg is going to learn ANYTHING.
Characters:
Cousin Greg Hirsch (Nicholas Braun): Our beloved bumbling character finds himself in the midst of a life-altering experience as he unwittingly dives headfirst into the world of cryptocurrencies and organized crime.
Alejandro "El Diablo" Martinez: A charismatic and ruthless crime lord ruling over Miami's underworld, El Diablo serves as Greg's unpredictable and dangerous mentor, pushing him to new extremes. Sounds a bit racist, route one, basic stuff. Needs a weird hobby like metal detecting or dressing up as a wizard at the weekends.
Vanessa Rodriguez: An intelligent and ambitious investigative journalist who becomes suspicious of the crypto scam operation. Vanessa's relentless pursuit of the truth brings her into Greg's orbit, complicating his already precarious situation. Oh Vanessa, you’re not long for this world.
Tom Wamsgans (Matthew Macfadyen): Greg's former mentor and ally at Waystar Royco, Tom unexpectedly resurfaces as an unexpected link between the corporate world and the criminal underbelly. Top guest starring slot if we can make Tom’s deal. The disgusting brothers party like you’ve never seen them before, CEO edition.
Tone and Style: "Crypto Clash" [Gregcoin] combines the dark and gritty elements of crime dramas with the sharp wit and satire that "Succession" is known for. The series maintains the tension and suspense that keeps viewers on the edge of their seats while delivering unexpected twists and turns.
Give me the first four scenes
ChatGPT: Scene 1: Miami Tech Conference - Greg's Chance Encounter
INT. MIAMI TECH CONFERENCE - DAY
The conference hall buzzes with excitement as tech enthusiasts and entrepreneurs mingle. Greg, dressed in a mismatched suit, wanders through the crowd, clutching a half-empty coffee cup. He spots a sign that reads "Crypto Innovations Showcase."
HOW IS THIS A CHANCE ENCOUNTER
GREG (to himself) Maybe this is where the magic happens.
Ok, that’s a bit Greggy.
Greg wanders into the showcase area, filled with flashy displays and enthusiastic presenters. His eyes widen as he catches a glimpse of a charismatic man, ALEJANDRO "EL DIABLO" MARTINEZ, giving a captivating presentation on a large stage.
The Criminal is doing a TedX? On the stage? In public? [googles Sam Bankman-Fried] ok that checks out.
EL DIABLO (passionately) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future! Together, we shall disrupt the financial world with the power of cryptocurrency!
Greg, mesmerized by El Diablo's presence, finds himself drawn closer to the stage.
Scene 2: A Fateful Encounter
INT. MIAMI TECH CONFERENCE - BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER
Greg, nervously clutching his coffee cup, stumbles backstage, hoping to catch a glimpse of El Diablo. He spots a door left slightly ajar and peeks inside.
Inside the room, El Diablo and a group of associates engage in a heated conversation, their voices hushed but urgent.
EL DIABLO (agitated) We need fresh faces, someone with ambition and no strings attached. Find them, bring them into the fold.
Greg's heart races as he realizes he's accidentally eavesdropping on something much bigger than he anticipated.
I’m still watching
Scene 3: Greg's Ambitious Leap
INT. MIAMI TECH CONFERENCE - LATER THAT DAY
Greg, now determined to seize an opportunity, gathers his courage and approaches El Diablo, who is surrounded by a small group of admirers.
GREG (stammering) Uh, hi, Mr. Martinez. I, uh, loved your presentation. I'm Greg, Greg Hirsch. I, um, I think I have what it takes to be a part of your world.
The robot’s nailed the character. Pitch-perfect.
El Diablo's piercing gaze meets Greg's uncertain eyes, assessing him.
EL DIABLO (smirking) Oh, you think so, young man? Show me what you've got.
Scene 4: Greg's First Taste of the Crypto Scam Operation
INT. LUXURIOUS MIAMI PENTHOUSE - NIGHT
Greg finds himself in an opulent penthouse, surrounded by El Diablo's entourage. Computer screens flicker with graphs and financial data, while stacks of cash sit haphazardly on the table.
El Diablo hands Greg a briefcase filled with documents.
EL DIABLO (smiling) Consider this your initiation, Greg. These are the blueprints to a crypto scam operation that will make us all filthy rich. Study them well.
Greg's eyes widen with a mix of excitement and apprehension as he opens the briefcase, realizing the magnitude of what he's gotten himself into.
The journey has just begun for Cousin Greg.
This is all pretty vague and useless. Write the next scene but give it more funny dialogue. The show is called Gregcoin now.
ChatGPT:
Scene 5: Greg's Awkward Initiation
INT. LUXURIOUS MIAMI PENTHOUSE - NIGHT
Greg stands in the opulent penthouse, surrounded by El Diablo's entourage. The room is filled with computer screens displaying complex graphs and financial data. The atmosphere is tense yet exciting.
El Diablo, sporting a devilish grin, hands Greg a briefcase filled with documents.
YOU ALREADY DID THIS, THIS WAS THE LAST SCENE. OK, so I guess Succession got a bit repetitive too, but NOT IN THE PILOT
EL DIABLO (smiling) Consider this your initiation, Greg. These are the blueprints to our master plan—the birth of Gregcoin! You're about to dive into the world of crypto, where fortunes are made, dreams are shattered, and we squeeze every last bit of chaos from the blockchain.
How has the bad guy already got blueprints to a plan named after a dude he just met? Astonishing coincidence, or fate? Or garbage writing.
GREG (nervously) Oh, wow. Gregcoin? That's like... cryptocurrency named after me? Shouldn't we be calling it something, you know, more professional?
EL DIABLO (chuckling) Professional? Greg, my friend, in this world, we make our own rules. And what better way to inspire confidence than naming it after our prodigious prodigy? Now, get ready to ride the wave of Gregcoin to financial glory!
Greg opens the briefcase, revealing the meticulously detailed plans. His eyes dart across the pages, trying to make sense of the intricate jargon.
GREG (squinting) Okay, I see here we have the "Blockchain of Trust" and the "Greggle Algorithm." Is that, like, a mix of Google and me?
El Diablo bursts into laughter, slapping Greg on the back.
WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY?
EL DIABLO (holding back laughter) Oh, Greg, you're a natural! A prodigious prodigy and a clever wordsmith! With your charm and my guidance, there's no limit to what we can achieve!
Saying something is funny in a script doesn’t *make* it funny. It’d be like writing that a character interjected with “9/11” and then writing a direction that everyone fell about laughing.
GREG (stammering) Well, I mean, I guess I've always had a way with words. But should I really be trusted with this much power? I once accidentally sold my uncle's antique stamp collection at a garage sale for a dollar.
El Diablo's eyes widen, amusement turning to astonishment.
EL DIABLO (grinning) You, my friend, are a force of nature! An accidental genius! That's precisely why I chose you. You have the knack for unexpected greatness. Embrace it, Greg!
Pure nonsense.
Greg's uncertainty mixes with a glimmer of excitement as he starts to realize the gravity of his role in this audacious scheme.
GREG (trying to sound confident) Alright, El Diablo, let's do this! We'll make Gregcoin the talk of the town! Just one question... what happens if things go wrong?
El Diablo's grin widens, revealing a hint of mischief.
This guy smiles a lot. Also that surname is very “third menu item on a pizza menu”
EL DIABLO (laughing) Oh, Greg, my boy, we thrive on chaos. When things go wrong, we'll simply call it a "Greg-tastrophy" and find a way to turn it into an opportunity. Now, let's dive into the exhilarating world of Gregcoin!
I’m out, fully out. Human writers are safe.
As they share a laugh, Greg and El Diablo huddle together, the beginning of an unlikely partnership that will shape the future of Gregcoin, and possibly their lives forever.
The hilariously unpredictable journey continues in "Gregcoin: A Cousin's Crypto Conundrum."
THAT’S NOT EVEN WHAT WE AGREED THE TITLE WAS YOU MORON.
In conclusion, AI can’t give us even a fraction of what we need from drama, comedy, or any other sort of writing.